First, i'm gonna start this off by telling the Blog Sheriff and all his friends that I really can only do this once a week. Can't update everynight...it takes too much out of me. Besides...endless talking is not condusive to blogging. (just kiddin Boo)
So...as i am approaching 40, I have found myself wondering about Love. Sometimes I wake up in the morning surprised, thinking What the Hell? Why am I alone in this bed? Little girls do not grow up dreaming of being single, with almost grown up kids...wondering what the hell they are going to do with their lives when the kids do finish growing up and go away.
So, ok, life doesn't always turn out the way we think it's going to when we are kids.
I have learned that I don't need a man around to survive...most of the things i would need a man around for i can do myself. You know, take the garbage out, change lightbulbs, fix the vaccuum cleaner. I don't need a man around in order to be happy, I'm pretty sure I am happier without one around. I certainly don't need one around to feel safe. Granted, when it comes to choosing a man from the big pool of life, I apparently tend to pick from the shallow end, and that's my mistake. I've learned that lesson and am going to stay out of the pool from now on. That is not giving up hope, really, I look at it as facing reality. Some of you won't agree with that i'm sure. you have a right to your opinions.
So...all of this begs the question..have I ever really been IN LOVE?? I like to think yes. I like to think that I wouldn't have married either of the dumbasses from the shallow end if I hadn't been. So, then, has anyone ever really been in love with me? Gotta think no. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I know...no one can love you if you don't love yourself, blah blah blah. Kiss my ass. I'm not a bad person and maybe I may be difficult to love but it's not freakin impossible. I mean really, is it?
don't anyone answer that question I prefer to remain in the dark.
So here's what i've learned. Some people are going to go thru life not feeling that all consuming, can't live without her, i want to spend the rest of my life (not 7 months or 3 years) with her kind of love from someone else. And that is ok. I think that's what I need you guys to know. I'm ok with this. I might get lonely once in a while, or maybe wonder what it would have been like, maybe even get pissed off about it sometimes, but i'm not gonna kill myself over it. Yes, it's sad, but i'm really ok. I'm pretty happy most of the time. No one can be happy every second. Shit happens.
And besides, if I ever even thought about getting married again...the only man I would ever marry is Toby Keith. He's unavailable, but damn he's cute.
So there you go...what's going thru JoAnn's head this weekend.
5 comments:
Haha Your cute mom.
And I love you. I'll love you more than any of the men in the pool or the hot tub or the sink hole or what not
Men...can't live with them, can't live with them. Is that how the saying goes??
Anyway, nice entry. Made me laugh. You will meet the man that suits you someday. I don't doubt that for a moment. You are very witty, fun, beautiful and a hard worker. I think you really just wanted to take care of Heather first. Maybe you didn't know that about yourself and maybe it would have been easier financailly with someone else around, but she's YOUR little girl.
And you're not always alone. You wake up next to a doughnut once in a while don't you?
Oh boy Kim that was funny. And JoAnn, I don't think it matters if you have or do not have a man in your life, I just don't like to hear you (or anyone) say "never" to anything. It's ok not to look but I have a hard time believing that if that perfect 6-foot-sub walked into your life you'd be able to resist him.
this is what i get for sharing my damn feelings. food jokes.
Come on mom it is pretty funny.
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