Weekends

Spending as much time alone as I do on weekends gives me alot of time to think. I decided to start a blog, which I have been thinking about for a long time.
I have learned a lot of lessons in the past four years or so. More, I think, than in the 35 years before that. Some are sad, some are funny, some are just so sad they end up funny.
This blog is for me. One of the lessons I have learned recently is that I tend to keep everything to myself. (Big surprise) My last counselor (in a long and blurry line of them) told me I HAD to get this stuff out. She was right. I started just dumping things that were on my mind into e-mails and sending them to friends (the best ones in the world by the way) or family.
I always got responses. Sometimes it may only have been, I hear you, and sometimes I got different opinions, making me think even more about what I had said. What ever the response was or wasn't, I felt a kind of release, knowing that someone was hearing me. Knowing that I wasn't alone. I can't always SAY what I feel, but I can write it. And most of what I have to say right now is in the form of experiences and the LESSONS I have learned from them.

So here we go...
This is the one that keeps going thru my head, day after day, week after week.
Last April I was at mom and dad's for the weekend. The ice was going out at that time and I spent an amazing amount of time on the deck watching it. ???? Who in their right mind watches ice float by for hours on end? I remember thinking the whole time while I was watching that ice. About my mother, my daughter, my sister, my life...and underneath all those things was WHY? WHY am I watching this stupid ice go by?
It wasn't until I was on my way home that I think I figured it out.
Every year, no matter what, that lake is going to freeze, and then it's going to thaw, and chunks of ice are going to go by.
Every year. No matter what.
It doesn't matter what I am doing. I could change jobs, my daughter could grow up and leave, I could decide to start dating, I could move.
But, no matter what, LIFE is going to go on. LIFE is going to happen. LIFE is not going to wait for me to figure it all out.
Yes, that is the lesson I learned from the lake. Weird as it may sound. I also learned this...I am missing it. I get up every day and go to work, then I come home, eat dinner watch TV, listen to my beautiful daughter talk endlessly and go to bed. Then I get up and do it again. Weekends are spent waiting for Monday so I can get back to work and my routine. Life is going by...and I'm missing it.